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Monday, July 31, 2006

to let go, or to try again.

recently, im becomin (appallingly) more and more cheena-fied.
i guess this is largely, or almost totally, attributable
to the englishy friends that i have,
suddenly all singing chinese songs when we go ktv-ing.

not wantin to be left behind,
and slowly acquiring a liking toward these chinese songs
as i began to realize i could understand what the lyrics meant,
i began downloading the stuff people sang at ktv.

and then i began to be able to sing these songs.

i fell in l*ve with a few of these songs,
because they very much conveyed everything i felt
at many various points in my life.

BUT.
for some reason,
ive been listenin to hao xin fen shou,
the one where its wang lee hom and candy lo
and its in half canto and half chinese...
and its been makin me feel kinda sad in a wierd way.
weird because i hardly understand what they're on about.

coz half of it is in canto,
and the other half which is in chinese,
i only understand a few lines here and there.
technically this means i get 1/4 of the entire song.

perhaps it is becoz i am relating various aspects of the song
to aspects of my life at the moment.
not just the lyrics,
but the form of the song, the way its sung, the tempo, the structure.

im reminded of how cute jeff sounds when he speaks canto
and from there i am reminded of all the other things
that make me want to fall for him all over again.
and then im reminded of why i cant or i shouldnt.

is it ever possible that two pple
can ever think that they would be better off without each other,
even when they want to be together,
hence 'hao xin fen shou'?

and how do u breakup when youre not even together?

and on the other side of the plate,
theres also wondering what life would be like if u gave someone a try.
someone that you've never had anything with before?
would it work?
or would u regret because u tried and it didnt work out?

i could keep blaming ian for the rest of my life
for the way i am now, the way i think about things,
and for how ive become so much more skeptical than i already was.

but at the end of the day,
i know it is still up to me to make things right.
for me.

as they say, one bad apple dont spoil the whole bunch.
but i think i need to get over being poisoned.

"what if we settled down with other people and regret for the rest of our lives the 2nd chance we never gave each other?"

i dont know. i really dont.
because right now.
yesterday's rotten leftovers still havent been disposed of. yet.
and right now,
i really dont want to end up in a situation where the only choice is to
'hao xin fen shou'.

"...but im not sure i want to start smth here too..."

"then i'll wait until you are sure."

am i in trouble?

Later ; 5:11 PM ; 0 comments

Sunday, July 30, 2006

i want to swear in hokkien

i have been wanting to blog for the longest of times.
but since ive gotten back to perth,


1) it has been helping janey babe with settling down
eg. goin to ikea, helpin her move stuff from one place to another, etc.
i haven been a lotta help,
but for some reason we have been spending a considerable amt of time together.
last nite we went clubbing.
uh, sorry babe. oopsies.
im not goin to declare on here what i am sorry for.
so u will just have to ask me or jane privately.

2) my FARKIN CB ASS internet is being a biatch.
for some reason it says connected
but my msn keeps DCing
(sorry to those hoo have to keep seein me sign in every 5 secs.
yes i know it is sibeh irritating)
and my websites just refuse to load properly.
especially blogger.

HENCE I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO BLOG.
and as usual i have forgotten most of the things i wanted to blog about.
but i will try to remember.
and hopefully the internet will be fine from now on.

i was quite close to wanting to fly over to singapore to throttle jeff
because he told me on the fone just now
to reset my router.
and then when i came up,
my internet couldnt even connect.
which is worse than before.
at least before the net was connected, it just kept DCing.
den i thought all the comps in the house would be dead too,
which means i am in deep shit...

but anyway i think it is fine now.
so later i owe him an apology, for bein such a kukuhead to him.
yellin n all. oopsies.
oh well..

so.
bloody hell. its been nearly a week already.

anyway i stumbled upon this person's blog the other night.
and i was pleasantly surprised.
here's what it said.



thanks for that.

glad to know that i made ur life just a tad bit more exciting.

just so u know,

i thorougly enjoyed hangin out with u too.

and im glad u managed to bring urself to trust me

in the shoppin for clothes area!

anyway.

my blog is doin this doublespace thing again.

so i am goin to stop bloggin for now.

i will try n blog again tonight.

becoz i have a whole lotta other things to

1) complain about,

2) be happy about,

3) diss some people about.

so you will just have to wait =)

cheeriO.

study time.

and then we are goin to sizzlers for dinner.

me be fat.


Later ; 4:33 PM ; 0 comments

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

if time had wings, then its flying alright.

today i rang 2 of my pri sch teachers
to say i wanted to meet up with em
to pass em my birthday invites.

i uh, used to be the teacher's pet in pri sch.
and a few teachers' pet, mind u. =P
they used to come to my class bearing birthday gifts.
wahaha..
and some other year they came to my party at my pool in the old house.

anyhow.
one of em thought i was gonna say i need to pass her invitation to wedding,
and she was like omg scare me i thought how come so fast get married.
wahhaha and the other
(she used to be my ou xiang!! she had this timex watch and this eastpak bag. raE went to buy both. wahaha)
said omg 21st already!
and i said yes, mrs ong, it HAS been 15 years already. =)

i miss the times
when i would sit on mrs ong's lap
and watch her time the atheletics girls. (she was a PE teacher)
i miss the times
when ms say would yell at me and jeanette and tell us to go stand in separate corners of the music room during band prac coz we never shut up.
(despite this, i was made band leader in pri 6. eh heh heh)

i am meetin them tmr, and i cant wait.

today i met dominic, johnson, lindy, lynn and then jeff.
lindy bought me the quiksilver jacket that i reserved yest!!
freakin ex. but lindy never buys me cheap things.
bah. i am a horribe friend.
but she flies SIA!!!! okok.
she doesnt like the jacket, but her friend keith thinks its nice.
and I LIKE IT. so there.
i hope it shrinks though.
coz it is a guy's S size and therefore is too long for a short ass like me.

jeff n i had dinner at the pasta place in taka,
then we went to cine to watch BASIC INSTINCT 2 that we uh, brought ourselves.
wahhaa. we bought that in JB on sun.
we rented one of those stupid 'chambers' on level 9.
so lame. u HAVE to rent a DVD from them when u rent the room with dvd player,
so we ended up paying $8x2 for the room, and another $6 for the dvd.
which we din watch. -_-
oh, just in case u are wonderin why the hell we went there to watch it,
we had to watch it there coz jeff's stupid laptop apparently cant play dvds,
and his living room with the dvd player n tv is like in wide super open plain view.
and i dont like.

oh, i also got my dress that jeff bought for me in HK from zara,
and took home the other day.
and he actually wrapped it,
coz i said i wanted it wrapped.
and he got teased by his colleagues coz he wrapped it in the office today.

sigh...
so cute.

ok.
tmr its full-on day.
i am goin to kbox with haiquan at 1030.
wahaha.

and then i have another 4 appointments after that.

so nitey nite.
i will try to blog again soon.

Later ; 3:04 AM ; 0 comments

hong kong- ocean park.

the entry tickets. so cute right! jeff likes dolphins, and jeff is a guy.
so i gave him the fairy one =)


this was like a model of a few of the rides.
check it out man.
the farkin roller coaster track, ends like, in mid air!! WAHAHA.
and that ride in the upper left hand corner,
if it descends, it'll hit the coaster track.
i found it damn funny.
oh well.


the freakin super large roller coaster that was CLOSED on that day.
farkin suey lah.
jeff was damn happy. coz he is a scaredy cat.
okok fine. give u some credit.
he went on everything else with me.
actually he is quite suey also.
coz i am normally not so 'da dan'.


the abyss!!

20 story drop from the top.

goin up is like more scary than comin down.

coz before u know it, the drop is over already.

the view from the almost top of the mountain.

damn nice view while u wait in the heat for ur turn to ride the coaster.

the SMALL one.

me n josh in the aquariam thingy.

we went in there coz it was air-conditioned.

coz we were all dyin of heat.

i was literally feelin sick.

the stupid boy didnt smile,

so we took another one, with an explicit request for him to show teeth.

oh well, he tried. wahaha.

i look like shite in this foto,

but i think joshie looks nice. so i am puttin it up.

blardee tall.

oh oh, daddy brought josh to the dvd shop we always go to in jb.

the lady is like our good fren coz we always go there.

and she knows i lurve batman. she even gave dad batman begins for free to pass to me in perth!

anyway dad said to her this is my son. handsome right?

and angie said oh, ya. but the jie jie bi jiao mei!

WAHAHHA! so happy lah.

my fave pic of josh. if only he was cleaner and changed clothes more often he'd get more girls.

not that he wants em anyway.

but he plays guitar like a pro.

anyone?


jeff n i half way to the top of the mountain.

i dunno how we ended up WALKIN up.

i think its coz we couldnt find the escalator. or cable car station.

farking stupid.

but the feng jing, so nice right!!

wahah. jeff's eye one big one small.

so farnie.

okok i look like crap also lah.

actually i thought this foto was damn nice.

until we developed it.

bah.


Later ; 1:46 AM ; 0 comments

Friday, July 14, 2006

hong kong. but lemme crap first.

ok.
i am sick of waitin for the blogger system to upload my fotos.
so, here's almost everything.

whats missin are the ocean park fotos.
which i will upload when i can be bothered doin this again.

in the meantime,
have fun with my holiday that you din get to go on =P

before that, heres a random foto of jeff n i.
it was on uh...sat?
lunch at swensens with lindy and her gang.



and a foto of the (pathetic amt of) stuff i bought.

actually, ah herm ah herm, i bought a dress from zara too.

or rather jeff bought me the dress from zara. well he paid.

he took it home coz i had no space in my bag,

so when i get it i will foto-cize it and u can all gasp at my sudden emergence of femininity.

ohohoh.

for those who havent,

watch BASIC INSTINCT 2 ok.

in the first 5 mins of the movie,

there is fingering, a female climax, a speeding ferarri, a car-into-water crash, and a death.

but thats not the point. i liked it coz it was so psychological.

it will screw with ur mind like nothing.

i am assumin it is R21.

but i watched it on the plane. hurrah for me.

oh, this is what happened on the plane.

me: 'can i get a baileys with milk pls?'

stewardess: 'uh, are you....?'

me: *laugh* 'yes, do u want to see my passport'

BAH. last yr i went to watch an NC 16 movie and got asked for ID.

last week i went to watch thank you for smokin and got asked again, for ID.

btw it is a shit show, if i havent mentioned already.

i only watched it coz it had adam brody in it.

he was IN IT alright. for 3 bloody mins.


Later ; 3:28 AM ; 0 comments

hong kong- the generalities.

mongkok!! its like thailand man.
the weather is omg omg.
SO FARKIN HOT AND HUMID LAH.
my cam was in my pocket,
and when i took it out, there was sweat on it ok.
and i thought singapore was a killer.

weds night, so many pple. imagine sat nights.

i think everyone already knows this,

but omg lah HK has so many high-rise and crowded buildings!

look how many units there are in the reddish building!

guess correctly and win a prize.

actually no, u dont win a prize.

coz i have better things to do with my life than count the number of probably 1000 windows in the foto.

train ticket.
ok how cool is this.

the map ON the train, lights up to tell u where u are and which direction u are heading.


Later ; 3:01 AM ; 0 comments

hong kong- the food.


this is what we had for dinner weds night.
its a long story, but basically the night ended up shitty.
dad couldnt decide where to eat,
den of all places he had to choose the most crowded on with a long line,
i was bein pissy at jeff for smth he'd said,
blah blah blah.
and also, i wanted to eat 'real' HK food lah.
its like i can get this at crystal jade can.

so the next day, in search of better local food.....

hooraY!!!! peanut butter and condensed milk toast!!!!!!!!!!

i had this in perth at the HK cafe that nicole brought me to after the exams.

and i have been dyin to eat it in HK. wahaha.

and horlicks!! when was the last time anyone had horlicks!!!

it was a damn satisfying 'meal'.

i also had uh, wahaha. instant mee.

well there was a choice of like rice, spaghetti, vermicilli and some other stuff i cant rem.

but i like maggi lah can.


actually. these pics are from our second meal.

coz we decided to eat a little bit from a few places.

but i forgot to take pics of the first place's food.

where we had uh, condensed milk toast (WAHHAHA) and an egg sandwich.

after trying (like idiots) to read the menu and figure what in the world they were sellin,

we found out these places had english menus.

thank heavens.

coz stupid jeff cant read cheena also.

(i can read cheena, but HK chinese is all fan ti zi!!!)


check out our high tea at the hotel!!!

so nice right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg the scones..were heavenly. and the cream and jam.

fattenin like shit.

shit now i feel like goin supper.


Later ; 2:27 AM ; 0 comments

hong kong- the 4 seasons hotel.

i likkkeeee this foto. coz i look so uh. cool. wahahha.
what you're seein is a reflection (in the window) of the room and whatever's in it,
and the faint lights through the middle of the pic is the skyline of HK at night.


i also like this foto. because i look amazingly skinny,

and because you cannot see my face.

you see now why i like pics where my face is effectively invisible.


LAMBO!! outside the hotel. so sibeh nice. but i dont get the 5566.

surely a rich man isnt into taiwanese boybands, right?

it looks like he is tryin to kiss me.

but he is NOT, ok.

escalator to uh, IFC(?) mall, next to the hotel.

whatever branded shit u want, they have it here.

gucci prada versace tiffany's. u name it, they've got it.

the view from my blardee ginormous window. gigantic+enormous.
just in case u couldnt figure it out yourself.


45 floors. ours, the 38th.
in case ure impressed at the screen, theres another one on the other side of the lift as well.
the woman looks like she is gettin strangled. or maybe she is havin a spa treatment.
-_-

Later ; 2:01 AM ; 0 comments

hong kong- the hotel bathroom.

me: "darling next time i want 2 sinks also'' jeff: ''you think i dont want also izzit?!''
see that mirror on the right of the uh, big mirror?
if you have pimples, this blardee mirror will depress u further.
coz it enlarges everythin.
and it also makes u sibeh dizzy.


see the TV in the mirror!! its like u can sit in the jacuzzi and watch it!!

or stand in the shower and watch.

like poor period-ing me.

look at the shower head thing that i was talking abt!



Later ; 1:36 AM ; 0 comments

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

happily sad, sadly happy.

LINKIES OWES ME LUNCH/DINNER!!!
naa naa nee boo boooooooo!!
not all HDs!!
see i told u right!!!

actually i was expectin the psyc 201 to be a D also lah.
but muahaha. 86! yipyipee.
hurrah.

i still feel that at the rate i study,
i shd get full marks.
duncha agree links?
=P

Later ; 4:43 PM ; 0 comments

hong kong snapshots.

ok i am just goin to blog up a short (attempted) 'synopsis'
of what i want to fully blog abt when i get back to singapore
and can upload the fotos of the trip.

1)
we went to ocean park today!!
omg its bloody huge lah.
its like..bah i dun even know how to explain it.
its a massive theme park on a massive mountain.

we rode nearly everything.
except the uh, water log thing.
u know the one where u sit in a 'log'
and u rush down a 'river'.

that was the first thing i wanted to ride,
but josh said ride last coz will get wet.
den at the end,
the queue was so damn long,
and i saw the pple who'd just gotten off the ride,
omg so blaaaardeeee wet..
i was like ok forgeddit lets go.

and the blardee super big roller coaster was CLOSED today lah!
*$#&($^#&*@(@!!

THE WEATHER IS LIKE SHIT.
sorry nicole. wahaha.
singapore is shit too lah.
but in singapore i am walkin in the shoppin centre.
wah lau eh.
i think i managed to sweat 3kgs off.
later i weigh myself and see.

2)
my hotel is uh, not the sheraton.
wahhaha.
its the four seasons!!
AND OH MY GOODNESS IT IS HEAVEN.
the toilet! the toilet!!
*jumps up and down*
there is a tv in my mirror!!
and my shower, it has 2 showers options!
one normal one and one that rains down on u from the ceiling!!
im havin my blardee period,
so the jacuzzi is goin to waste.

the view from here is amazing.
as in from the room lah not the toilet ok.

the furnishing is omg also.
everythin is omg lah ok.
flatscreen tv, nice big bed, super nice desk etc etc.

i feel like a princess.
coz i am so sua ku.

if a real princess sees how excited i was last nite,
she would flick her wrist,
call for her butler,
and he would carry me by my collar
and throw me into the sua ku wasteland.

3)
tonight we are goin shoppin.
more sweat.
bah.

4)
oh last nite i had to sleep in the bathrobe.
because smartass me
forgot to bring sleepin clothes.
CLEVER RIGHT.
the bathrobe sibeh heavy lah.
and its like use the string thing to tie ard ur waist.
to keep it from opening.
this morning i woke up and i was half nekkid.
the bottom part ride up all the way to my boobies already lah.

tonight will be the same.
sigh.

alritey.
hope everyone is ok without me. muahaha.
see u guys soon!!

PS.
jeff speaks canto sooo cute-ly!!
i am such a sucker for pple who can speak a language i cant.
like markee and his german.
=P

PPS.
WAH LAU I DIN GET TO SIT IN DADDY's BUSINESS CLASS SEAT LAH.
*mumble mumble*
piece of toootttttt.

Later ; 4:23 PM ; 0 comments

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

because i am daddy's lil girl

oh the perks of havin a father who is a uh, businessman for a high class company.

i am currently sittin at an internet computer terminal in the business class lounge
(or whatchamacallit)
for SIA travellers with a a lot of extra cash to spend.

well, daddy's business class ticket has been paid for by his company,
josh n i are (grumble grumble) on economy class tix,
coz daddy doesnt like to anyhow spend money.
unfortunate for me, i know.

but i am plannin to stuff daddy in the economy class seat with josh,
while i pretend i am mr tan, in business class.
muahaha.

anyhow.
each business class traveller is allowed to bring in 1 econ class person,
but the nice lady at the entrance let both josh n i in.
i think she see us like 2 small kids later she say cannot,
den we both start wailing or something.

daddy says i am very sua ku and that i am embarrassing him.
wahahaha.
coz i exclaimed that they had free beer in the drinks fridge!!
and he was like everything is free lah shhhhhh.
sua ku!

and the toilet.
can get lost.
inside the toilet got signs ok.
showers, toilets, vanity area.
like wtf.

i think i need a house like that next time.
where i can play hide n seek with my husband.
just in the toilet.

i could get used to this.
damn i shd travel with daddy more often.

if the flight attendants dont lemme change seats with dad,
i am goin to kick up a big princessy fuss.

*grinx*
=)

well now.
ciao ciao for now.
i am goin to stuff my face with the free i dunno whats that are displayed all over the lounge!

oh, and enjoy lookin at the business-y men in suits,
and the middle-aged ang moh boys.

Later ; 5:54 PM ; 0 comments

Friday, July 07, 2006

meant for the certain someones.

heaps of pple are sayin that we are growing up.
'we' includes a whole bunch of the pple i hang out with,
but i guess mainly me.
im goin to speak only for myself.

remember the days when nothing we did had consequences?
we never had to worry about anything.
whether there would be food on the table at dinner time,
or whether tomorrow we'd have a clean uniform to wear to school.
we had the grown ups to worry about these things for us.

now all of a sudden,
we have to worry about whether our grades will get us into honours,
whether what we earn next time will be enough to cover the mortgage,
how we can make our kids grow into intelligent humans with proper morals.

i am not saying that all of us worry about these things now,
but rather that the things we worry about or show concern for,
are increasing not only in quantity,
but also in the extent to which these things are impt to our lives.

daddy used to joke about how i would have to marry a ridiculously rich man,
if i wanted to support the lifestyle i was living.
now i realize that he may be right.
i dont need gucci sunglasses, 100 pairs of coach shoes,
an LV suitcase, or a 2k pond of loa han (private joke for those who know)

but i want a nice house,
with a big bathroom,
separate from the uh, toilet bowl section,
i also want a nice kitchen,
and i want to be able to afford whatever i want to buy.
i dont want to have to think twice or three times,
everytime i see something i want,
coz i dont earn enough,
and my husband earns peanuts.

i am ranting.
but there is a point to all this.

ive seen many kinds of pple.
all of whom have taught me different things.

one thing ive learnt from all this interaction,
is that i want what i want,
and i will not settle for less.
coz i cant. and i wont.

continuation of the type A and type B guys:

type A guy-
this is a guy who knows what he wants,
and is all out to get it.
but again, he will do what he needs to do,
only if its within reason.
if he cannot get it now,
he will wait, delay gratification,
because he knows that the waiting game does pay higher dividends in the end.
he knows that to get what he wants,
he needs to plan, and stick to his plan.
yet if the situation changes,
he is flexible enough to steer towards a change in direction.

to a certain someone:
im glad you've made it this far.
im also very happy to know that you dont plan to stop here.
you know exactly what you want in life,
and you are all out to get it.
i respected you a long time ago,
and i respect you even more now.

goodness knows where you will be in a few years.
but keep at it, and you will get what you've always wanted.
there is no way that you wont make it if you keep trying.

you are who you are,
and who you are, will get you to where you want to be.
and i hope that when you make it,
you'll look back and be as proud of yourself as i will be of you.

type B guy-
this guy is the kind who never thinks abt his future.
he may be livin a better life than type A guy at present,
but it is not because he earned it.
but coz it was given.
now, i am not sayin that is a crime.
bein born rich is no fault of his own.
but type B boy thinks he will always be rich.
livin for the moment,
what is to happen to him in 5 years time is not even within sight.
as long as he is happy now,
that is all that matters.
suffer later he says,
but when later comes,
there is no way he can be prepared for it.

to the type Bs,
i say: good luck.
you may have what you have now,
but one day you may lose it all to the type A boys.
because sometimes, life is fair.
and pple sometimes do get what they deserve.


you choose your path in life.
you deal with the end.

have fun.

Later ; 1:52 AM ; 0 comments

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

childishness. some of em never grow up. stupidity. some of em never learn.

ok i cant find daddy's laptop adapter,
so i have apparently 1.5hrs to use this lappy before it dies on me.
very unfortunate.
coz i have a lot of things to say.

1) meaningful rantings.
2) daily banter.

1) meaningful rantings.
its not like i just found this out, or that i never knew this,
but lets just say its never hit so near to home before.
there are basically 2 kinds of guys.
of course there are those who lie somewhere along this continuum of extremes,
but for simplicity lets just talk about the 2 far ends.
type A guy is a guy who likes girls who are independent.
a girl whom he knows likes to hang out with him,
but who is also comfortable with spendin time away from him,
and givin him the freedom to spend time away from her.
everyday is a challenge for him,
because he knows that this girl can go out and get whomever she chooses,
but yet she is still with him.
and because of this, to him, this is a fulfillling relationship.
there is no need for either of them to make the other 'prove' anything,
because there is so much trust.
all the proof they need, is knowledge of the fact that they are together,
and not with someone else instead.
he would do anything for her, but within limits.
he may be in l*ve, but his brain is intact.
he knows that if she l*ves him as much as he l*ves her,
she would not make him do anything he doesnt want to.
he would willingly do it himself.
on the other hand,
type B guy is the guy who wants a girl who is needy.
the kinda girl who claims that without him,
she cannot go on.
she will beg, she will cry,
do anything to make him swear that he will never leave.
that he is hers, and nobody else's.
wherever he goes, she follows.
to him, this is miss perfecto,
because it boosts his ego,
and also because he knows that he has her dangling on a string around his little pinky.
clearly type B guy is as insecure as his girl.
if she leaves, what is he goin to do?
he will comply to her every wish,
even if it is the most unreasonable of unreasonable things.
but it is all a show.
its just to tide him over while he waits for the next one to come along.
once that happens, away he goes.
so which pair do you think is most likely to end up in a successful and fulfilling r/ship?
hangin and chattin with jeff the past few days has made me rethink a lotta things.
we've talked about the past, the present and the future.
we've both said things to each other that make either one very happy,
as well as things that sting.
6 yrs ago jeff bought us both rings.
i lost mine. and ive never found it.
jeff still wears his around his neck.
when i asked him if his ex complained,
he said yes.
so then, why didnt he take it out?
the reply goes,
he doesnt know why,
but he told her that
the day he gets married, to whom he doesnt know,
but that'll be the day he stops wearing it.
the things i gave him, as i found out,
were asked to be disposed of.
but he never did throw them away.
not because at the time when he was with her, he was still in l*ve with me,
but because these were things that reminded him of his past.
past mistakes, past joys.
he knows he coulda thrown those things away,
but deep down he would still know that although physical things may go,
the feelings were still there.
and he knew it was unfair.
not to me, but to her.
so he kept his distance.
but that hasnt changed things.
it hasnt made him like someone else,
or like her more.
instead,
6 years later,
he is more sure than ever about what he wants.
he may have a photos of both of us framed on his walls,
but at the end of the day,
he knows that the one he wants to build his life around,
is not her, but me.
you may be able to make someone do something,
but you can never make them stop doing something.
thoughts and feelings are uncontrollable.
try as you might to force him not to,
at the end of the day,
when he closes his eyes and tries to sleep,
you will never know what exactly it is he is seeing.
men lie.
women cry.
but which is worse?
ive learnt that true l*ve waits.
patiently.
it says take your time,
think it over and consider your choices.
whether your choice is favourable to me or not,
i will be there at the end,
even if it hurts me to see you at the end with someone else.
true l*ve doesnt force you to prove anything,
in any set amount of time.
i told jeff that if i were to compare him and ian,
he would win, hands down.
even a blind man could tell you that.
but if i were to compare the way i felt for each of them,
then what i felt for ian was more than 10 times over what i felt for jeff.
and i said,
that i dont know if i will ever be able to l*ve him the way i did ian,
even though i know so well that he is way more deservin of such feelings.
once again,
jeff proved to be the same gentleman he was 6 yrs ago.
and that makes it all the more difficult, i told him,
to be able to say lets start something again,
because this time,
i know it is possible that he may get hurt again,
and a thousand times deeper.
i cant, and i dont want to be with someone who l*ves me so much more than i think i will ever be able to l*ve him,
and who deserves so much more than i can give.
why?
because it is unfair.
life is unfair,
but l*ve shouldnt be that way.
2) daily banter
caught up with alan today.
lunch at pastamania in suntec.
PS to get his stuff from spotlight,
met up with my cousin for a bit,
chatted with auntry sherry for a short while.
went to wisma to get my camera fixed while waitin for sam.
i luv hanging out with you.
not just coz you are damn pretty and your boobies are big.
=P
ian just lost a star for a friend.
oh well.
after sam it was nigel.
went to PS starbux.
met up with roger for a bit.
(he is always there)
and now im home.
tmr its linkies day!!
we are finally goin to go out at 'normal pple' hours.
that means not 2am supper+movie kinda thing.

Later ; 12:30 AM ; 0 comments

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

unbelieveable. in every way possible.

came online to check if the unit preferences for one of my psyc units is up yet.
and it is.
(so i thought i might as well blog)
its this specialist research topic unit,
where u get to choose what u wanna do,
out of the various topics they offer for that sem.

not that anyone cares,
but i chose personality psychology as my first choice,
and language and communication as my second.
i am not goin to type out the other 6 preferences dont worry.

hopefully i get what i want
coz apparently the system says these are the unpopular selections.
so far.
hopefully a lotta pple havent checked their mail
so they dont know the preference selection thing is available *evil grin*

timetable time selections were also up.
so dats done as well
and hopefully i will get what i want, again.
so i only have to go to sch twice a week.
eh heh heh heh.

anyhow.
a few things to get off my chest.
this is directed to different pple
but i am too lazy to say who
so figure it out urself
but dont assume its you.

1) if you created your own problems, knowing that it is goin to be a probblem, you can jolly well solve it yourself.
i am not goin to help you.
grow up for goodness sakes.
stop making other pple clean up your crap.
we are not your pang sai zhua ok.

2) i hate ungrateful pple.
if i help you and u blatantly shove my help back up my ass,
dont expect me to help u anymore.
and dont expect me to be part of the solving of your problems.

3) screw with me
and i will screw with you.
and i always get what i want.

on a happier note.
i am goin on holiday to HK!!
with daddy and josh and jeff.
=)

finally,
just to end off.
i have 2 things to say.
that are totally unrelated to each other.

1)
its nice to know you'd do anythin for me.
maybe one day i will learn to do anythin for you, too.

2)
as said by my chemical romance,
three cheers for sweet revenge.

today i went out with elaine,
dinner with daddy and jeff..
elaine bought me CDs for my bday.
AFI's december undergound
and my chemical romances' dvd pack

but i am goin to return her one of them
becoz i dont want guests to come empty handed to my party.
=P
which means i will have to wait till then
to see MCR.
oh well.

tmr its alan, sam and maybe jeff.

anyone interested in a picture?
=P

Later ; 2:50 AM ; 0 comments

Sunday, July 02, 2006

gooooooaaaall!

the jeff and the daddy are watchin soccer.
i am very bored coz i have no interest in knowing if brasil is better than france,
and plus there is no 'qi fen' here coz its only 3 of us.

ok i am here to diss this shitty ass farked up pub in holland V.
its called baden or some shit like that.
the service is like number 1.
i dont think u can find such service anywhere else in the world.
ok lah maybe china.

anyway.
after a walk ard holland v tryin to find a place for miss jojo to watch her soccer,
kala, jo, minah, pearl and i ended up at this baden shit bar.
coz walas was like super the crowded.

they had some happy hr thing,
so the beer was 1-for-1.
the guy said no sharing,
so we were like ok lah.

so we ordered like 2.
hence ending up with 4.
anyway we shared lah.
we tot nobody see den ok mah.
just a few sips here n there..

at the end of the night when we called for the bill
(by the end we had kala pearl gra hua keren jeff and i)
the bill was like some ridiculous amt,
we'd been charged for like 4 of those beers.
(we ordered other drinks too but thats not the point.)
instead of 2.
so of coz kb lah right. i mean who wants to pay for shit they din order.
so we asked the stupid mat waiter.
n he said oh u have another 4 beers coming.
and we were like uh we only wanted 2.
den he said oh din u know u have to order 1 per head.
and we were like uh yeah.
we ordered 2, so 2 more free. 1 person one mah
den he said yar so u share right. so must charge for 4 drinks.
and we were like uh we never shared *lie*

turns out that their idea of SHARE
is that if u order the 1-for-1 beer,
u drink BOTH by urself.

HELLO THAT IS CALLED SPLITTING
NOT SHARING
OK.
stupid pieces of shit.

the manager is another piece of crap
hello u need to go starbux training
JUST SAY YES POLICY OK.
CUSTOMER SAY WHAT U SAY YES.
apart from being damn sarcastic,
he was damn rude, and very unaccomodating.

thanks to us esp. gra, being damn eloquent,
his last words were sth like
whatever its only 2 beers anyway.

LIKE YEAH LAH DEN WHY U WANNA BE SO IDIOTIC ABT IT??

i bet this is how they cheat pple everynite with their
HAPPY HOUR man.
happy my ass.

this is like a super shortened version of the story.
but i am too damn lazy to bother with details.

anyway.
im glad we got to meet up today girls.
finally its like all of us. after years!!
we need to do this again soon yeah.
this time hopefully we end up at a better place.

i hate girls,
but i need my regular dosage of u chicks.
otherwise who will help me solve my boy problems?
=)
i luv u all.
no shit!

tmr i am goin to jb with jeff and daddy.

PS.
today i fell in lust with c.ronaldo.
and i also learnt that portugal is in europe.
and daddy thinks that i am very stupid coz i din know that.

but i know that the people in portugal speak portuguese.
see. i am qutie smart right.
WAHAHHAHA.

PPS.
i dont like pple who shout when the stupid ball is near the goal,
but so obviously NOT goin to go in.
like hello.
u already know its not gonna go in anyway,
so whats the big deal. u 'oooh!!' in disappoinment for what.
siddown and shudup.

Later ; 4:13 AM ; 0 comments

Saturday, July 01, 2006

followup to previous post.

i just wanted to kinda say thank you to few pple.
and also say some other stuff..

hanging out+chatting etc with a few pple in my life lately has made me think about how lucky i am to have u all.

so.
i just wanted to say thanks to all u wonderful folks
who stuck by me thru the whole ian episode.
you listened each time i had somthing to say.
whether it was to complain abt him
or to say how wonderful a person he used to be.
you guys never once said shut up
or made me feel like i was bothering u with my ridiculous amount of harpin on about the situation.

thank u for bein such a supportive bunch.
whether you did it by stayin up with me the nights i felt like crap,
or whether you did it by flyin into a rage and yelling
"omg that asshole just makes my blood boil!! i feel like bashin him up!"
either way, i am appreciative of the fact that you make me feel better.

to the pple ive had the chance to talk abt things to more in depthly,
thank you for seein my point of view
and for understandin why it is so hard to let go.
thank you for makin me see things from another point of view too
but not forcin me to adpot either one or the other.

last nite at jeff's.
i was reminded of what kind of a person i can be when i want to.
i was goin thru the stuff i gave him for his birthday, anniversaries etc.
and i couldnt help but say that i dont think i will ever be able to do things like that again.

i guess the whole thing with ian reminded me once again
that effort into things like r/ships are really not worth it.

and so once again i have reverted to the character i used to play
the one who couldnt care less
becoz not caring meant not gettin hurt.

right now the choices are pretty much left right back and front.
ones i know well, or almost complete strangers.
and yes i know it is up to me to choose.
alternatively,
i could dig a hole and hide there
thereby effectively eliminating the need to make any choices.
after all,
who said bein single was a bad thing?

jane+joyce+sam
thanks for listenin to and chattin with me.
thank you for bein so encouraging
even when everthing i say is cynical and skeptical.
but right now i dont know if i want to do this all over again.
becoz i am ok with where i am now.
not greatly happy, but im ok.

perhaps i will go ahead and give it a shot.
or maybe i will just keep livin for the moment
and worryin abt the 'morning after',
the mornin AFTER.
(note i am not talkin abt sex here ok)

ive been given another chance
to retrieve something i once lost.

but how do i know that that is still what i want now?

Later ; 1:14 AM ; 0 comments

for fun times.

quick update on holiday happenings.
might be interesting for some pple to find out some things.
since they like to spy coz they are so damn insecure.
never mind. just read.

Weds-
clubbin with cousin.
(TODAY I SAW THE AHBENG THAT I SORTA LIKED AT MOMO ON WEDS!!! crossin road from cine to taka.)

Thurs-
met jane at ps to help her with pickin her units for uni.
i think we manage to make quite a racket
and attract a decent amount of attention to ourselves.
poking and grabbing each others' boobies
and screamin at each other over wanting and not wanting to delete the self-taken fotos we'd snapped with her digi cam.

at abt 7 we went to meet jeff.
omg men in formal work attire. *drools incessantly*

dinner at pastamania.
jane kenneth jeff me.

after aimless drivin around and a failed attempt to go to mt faber
(they were havin some martell party and there was no parking)
we finally ended up at party world, shenton way.
the nite before johnson was just tellin me abt the haunting stories of the place.
bah.

everyone was pretty much fallin asleep by like 4am
and the 2 poor things had a flight to catch at 9am
and they hadnt packed.

ended up goin to jeff's place coz it seemed pretty darn ridiculous for him to drop me home via cab,
and then go all the way back to his place.
so kenneth dropped us off at jeff's.

eh babe. i think one day kenneth will like say.
DARLING, next time we go out can you dont ask raE to come!!!
wahaha..

Fri-
came back to mine to bathe/sleep etc.
had brekky with jeff first opp. at some prata place.

went to meet joyce at orchard.
jeff went home.

joyce i luv u lah.
seriously u make me laff coz of the things u do,
and coz of the things u do, i feel like u really care abt me!!
one day we will rid the world of BUGGING BUGGERS OK!!
and call all the cheating boyfs assholes.

seriously, IAN THWAITES WHY ARE U STILL CALLIN ME!!!
DOES YOUR PEARLY KNOW THAT U ARE CALLIN ME?
not once but 4 times?


joyce n i went to party world first.
sam came like 30mins later.
i think i am all karaoke-ed out.
my throat is going.
singing in the hall is fun =)
i enjoy the attention.

sam, thanks for like ignoring him when u see him.
and for tellin lynn too!!
i dunno why but that just makes me feel lurveeeed!
want to do a koyo plot onot. wahaha..

dinner at pizza hut with joyce n gaston
met up with ray, alex, wei wei, gary and his girlf.
and nw im home.

i think its supper with linkies after this.
when he is done with his soccer match
and decides to come pick me up.

or maybe i'll meet up with jeff.
when he is done with his superman
which is a freakin 3 hr long movie.

wahaha.
2 smses.
nigel - WIN MONEY!!
links- knn match go extra time. lose money.
lol guys.

Later ; 12:44 AM ; 0 comments


the notice board//


raE: cant seem to fall asleep within 2 hours of hitting the pillow, and stay asleep for 2 hours after falling asleep.
get a life.

raE's random (maybe intelligent) thought/quote for the day


Every individual acts and suffers in accordance with his peculiar teleology,
which has all the inevitability of fate, so long as he does not understand it.
-Alfred Adler-

holler, yo//

is reading//

complete notes from singapore: the omnibus edition - neil humphreys

is listening//

backstreet boys: if i knew then
jay sean ft. lil wayne: down

is lusting//

[a balenciaga city bag]
[a certain mr lecturer]
[that tiffany bracelet - CHECK!]
[a gt wing for trent]
[a yale scholorship]

is being//

+ arrogant
+ short
+ too fat
+ an amazin singer
+ broke
+ intelligent
+ lookin too young
+ hungry
+ an excellent english speaker
+ a terrible chinese speaker

is reminiscing

January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 June 2010 July 2010