ok i cant find daddy's laptop adapter,
so i have apparently 1.5hrs to use this lappy before it dies on me.
very unfortunate.
coz i have a lot of things to say.
1) meaningful rantings.
2) daily banter.
1) meaningful rantings.
its not like i just found this out, or that i never knew this,
but lets just say its never hit so near to home before.
there are basically 2 kinds of guys.
of course there are those who lie somewhere along this continuum of extremes,
but for simplicity lets just talk about the 2 far ends.
type A guy is a guy who likes girls who are independent.
a girl whom he knows likes to hang out with him,
but who is also comfortable with spendin time away from him,
and givin him the freedom to spend time away from her.
everyday is a challenge for him,
because he knows that this girl can go out and get whomever she chooses,
but yet she is still with him.
and because of this, to him, this is a fulfillling relationship.
there is no need for either of them to make the other 'prove' anything,
because there is so much trust.
all the proof they need, is knowledge of the fact that they are together,
and not with someone else instead.
he would do anything for her, but within limits.
he may be in l*ve, but his brain is intact.
he knows that if she l*ves him as much as he l*ves her,
she would not make him do anything he doesnt want to.
he would willingly do it himself.
on the other hand,
type B guy is the guy who wants a girl who is needy.
the kinda girl who claims that without him,
she cannot go on.
she will beg, she will cry,
do anything to make him swear that he will never leave.
that he is hers, and nobody else's.
wherever he goes, she follows.
to him, this is miss perfecto,
because it boosts his ego,
and also because he knows that he has her dangling on a string around his little pinky.
clearly type B guy is as insecure as his girl.
if she leaves, what is he goin to do?
he will comply to her every wish,
even if it is the most unreasonable of unreasonable things.
but it is all a show.
its just to tide him over while he waits for the next one to come along.
once that happens, away he goes.
so which pair do you think is most likely to end up in a successful and fulfilling r/ship?
hangin and chattin with jeff the past few days has made me rethink a lotta things.
we've talked about the past, the present and the future.
we've both said things to each other that make either one very happy,
as well as things that sting.
6 yrs ago jeff bought us both rings.
i lost mine. and ive never found it.
jeff still wears his around his neck.
when i asked him if his ex complained,
he said yes.
so then, why didnt he take it out?
the reply goes,
he doesnt know why,
but he told her that
the day he gets married, to whom he doesnt know,
but that'll be the day he stops wearing it.
the things i gave him, as i found out,
were asked to be disposed of.
but he never did throw them away.
not because at the time when he was with her, he was still in l*ve with me,
but because these were things that reminded him of his past.
past mistakes, past joys.
he knows he coulda thrown those things away,
but deep down he would still know that although physical things may go,
the feelings were still there.
and he knew it was unfair.
not to me, but to her.
so he kept his distance.
but that hasnt changed things.
it hasnt made him like someone else,
or like her more.
instead,
6 years later,
he is more sure than ever about what he wants.
he may have a photos of both of us framed on his walls,
but at the end of the day,
he knows that the one he wants to build his life around,
is not her, but me.
you may be able to make someone do something,
but you can never make them stop doing something.
thoughts and feelings are uncontrollable.
try as you might to force him not to,
at the end of the day,
when he closes his eyes and tries to sleep,
you will never know what exactly it is he is seeing.
men lie.
women cry.
but which is worse?
ive learnt that true l*ve waits.
patiently.
it says take your time,
think it over and consider your choices.
whether your choice is favourable to me or not,
i will be there at the end,
even if it hurts me to see you at the end with someone else.
true l*ve doesnt force you to prove anything,
in any set amount of time.
i told jeff that if i were to compare him and ian,
he would win, hands down.
even a blind man could tell you that.
but if i were to compare the way i felt for each of them,
then what i felt for ian was more than 10 times over what i felt for jeff.
and i said,
that i dont know if i will ever be able to l*ve him the way i did ian,
even though i know so well that he is way more deservin of such feelings.
once again,
jeff proved to be the same gentleman he was 6 yrs ago.
and that makes it all the more difficult, i told him,
to be able to say lets start something again,
because this time,
i know it is possible that he may get hurt again,
and a thousand times deeper.
i cant, and i dont want to be with someone who l*ves me so much more than i think i will ever be able to l*ve him,
and who deserves so much more than i can give.
why?
because it is unfair.
life is unfair,
but l*ve shouldnt be that way.
2) daily banter
caught up with alan today.
lunch at pastamania in suntec.
PS to get his stuff from spotlight,
met up with my cousin for a bit,
chatted with auntry sherry for a short while.
went to wisma to get my camera fixed while waitin for sam.
i luv hanging out with you.
not just coz you are damn pretty and your boobies are big.
=P
ian just lost a star for a friend.
oh well.
after sam it was nigel.
went to PS starbux.
met up with roger for a bit.
(he is always there)
and now im home.
tmr its linkies day!!
we are finally goin to go out at 'normal pple' hours.
that means not 2am supper+movie kinda thing.
Later ; 12:30 AM ;
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
came online to check if the unit preferences for one of my psyc units is up yet.
and it is.
(so i thought i might as well blog)
its this specialist research topic unit,
where u get to choose what u wanna do,
out of the various topics they offer for that sem.
not that anyone cares,
but i chose personality psychology as my first choice,
and language and communication as my second.
i am not goin to type out the other 6 preferences dont worry.
hopefully i get what i want
coz apparently the system says these are the unpopular selections.
so far.
hopefully a lotta pple havent checked their mail
so they dont know the preference selection thing is available *evil grin*
timetable time selections were also up.
so dats done as well
and hopefully i will get what i want, again.
so i only have to go to sch twice a week.
eh heh heh heh.
anyhow.
a few things to get off my chest.
this is directed to different pple
but i am too lazy to say who
so figure it out urself
but dont assume its you.
1) if you created your own problems, knowing that it is goin to be a probblem, you can jolly well solve it yourself.
i am not goin to help you.
grow up for goodness sakes.
stop making other pple clean up your crap.
we are not your pang sai zhua ok.
2) i hate ungrateful pple.
if i help you and u blatantly shove my help back up my ass,
dont expect me to help u anymore.
and dont expect me to be part of the solving of your problems.
3) screw with me
and i will screw with you.
and i always get what i want.
on a happier note.
i am goin on holiday to HK!!
with daddy and josh and jeff.
=)
finally,
just to end off.
i have 2 things to say.
that are totally unrelated to each other.
1)
its nice to know you'd do anythin for me.
maybe one day i will learn to do anythin for you, too.
2)
as said by my chemical romance,
three cheers for sweet revenge.
today i went out with elaine,
dinner with daddy and jeff..
elaine bought me CDs for my bday.
AFI's december undergound
and my chemical romances' dvd pack
but i am goin to return her one of them
becoz i dont want guests to come empty handed to my party.
=P
which means i will have to wait till then
to see MCR.
oh well.
tmr its alan, sam and maybe jeff.
anyone interested in a picture?
=P
Later ; 2:50 AM ;
Sunday, July 02, 2006
the jeff and the daddy are watchin soccer.
i am very bored coz i have no interest in knowing if brasil is better than france,
and plus there is no 'qi fen' here coz its only 3 of us.
ok i am here to diss this shitty ass farked up pub in holland V.
its called baden or some shit like that.
the service is like number 1.
i dont think u can find such service anywhere else in the world.
ok lah maybe china.
anyway.
after a walk ard holland v tryin to find a place for miss jojo to watch her soccer,
kala, jo, minah, pearl and i ended up at this baden shit bar.
coz walas was like super the crowded.
they had some happy hr thing,
so the beer was 1-for-1.
the guy said no sharing,
so we were like ok lah.
so we ordered like 2.
hence ending up with 4.
anyway we shared lah.
we tot nobody see den ok mah.
just a few sips here n there..
at the end of the night when we called for the bill
(by the end we had kala pearl gra hua keren jeff and i)
the bill was like some ridiculous amt,
we'd been charged for like 4 of those beers.
(we ordered other drinks too but thats not the point.)
instead of 2.
so of coz kb lah right. i mean who wants to pay for shit they din order.
so we asked the stupid mat waiter.
n he said oh u have another 4 beers coming.
and we were like uh we only wanted 2.
den he said oh din u know u have to order 1 per head.
and we were like uh yeah.
we ordered 2, so 2 more free. 1 person one mah
den he said yar so u share right. so must charge for 4 drinks.
and we were like uh we never shared *lie*
turns out that their idea of SHARE
is that if u order the 1-for-1 beer,
u drink BOTH by urself.
HELLO THAT IS CALLED SPLITTING
NOT SHARING
OK.
stupid pieces of shit.
the manager is another piece of crap
hello u need to go starbux training
JUST SAY YES POLICY OK.
CUSTOMER SAY WHAT U SAY YES.
apart from being damn sarcastic,
he was damn rude, and very unaccomodating.
thanks to us esp. gra, being damn eloquent,
his last words were sth like
whatever its only 2 beers anyway.
LIKE YEAH LAH DEN WHY U WANNA BE SO IDIOTIC ABT IT??
i bet this is how they cheat pple everynite with their
HAPPY HOUR man.
happy my ass.
this is like a super shortened version of the story.
but i am too damn lazy to bother with details.
anyway.
im glad we got to meet up today girls.
finally its like all of us. after years!!
we need to do this again soon yeah.
this time hopefully we end up at a better place.
i hate girls,
but i need my regular dosage of u chicks.
otherwise who will help me solve my boy problems?
=)
i luv u all.
no shit!
tmr i am goin to jb with jeff and daddy.
PS.
today i fell in lust with c.ronaldo.
and i also learnt that portugal is in europe.
and daddy thinks that i am very stupid coz i din know that.
but i know that the people in portugal speak portuguese.
see. i am qutie smart right.
WAHAHHAHA.
PPS.
i dont like pple who shout when the stupid ball is near the goal,
but so obviously NOT goin to go in.
like hello.
u already know its not gonna go in anyway,
so whats the big deal. u 'oooh!!' in disappoinment for what.
siddown and shudup.
Later ; 4:13 AM ;
Saturday, July 01, 2006
i just wanted to kinda say thank you to few pple.
and also say some other stuff..
hanging out+chatting etc with a few pple in my life lately has made me think about how lucky i am to have u all.
so.
i just wanted to say thanks to all u wonderful folks
who stuck by me thru the whole ian episode.
you listened each time i had somthing to say.
whether it was to complain abt him
or to say how wonderful a person he used to be.
you guys never once said shut up
or made me feel like i was bothering u with my ridiculous amount of harpin on about the situation.
thank u for bein such a supportive bunch.
whether you did it by stayin up with me the nights i felt like crap,
or whether you did it by flyin into a rage and yelling
"omg that asshole just makes my blood boil!! i feel like bashin him up!"
either way, i am appreciative of the fact that you make me feel better.
to the pple ive had the chance to talk abt things to more in depthly,
thank you for seein my point of view
and for understandin why it is so hard to let go.
thank you for makin me see things from another point of view too
but not forcin me to adpot either one or the other.
last nite at jeff's.
i was reminded of what kind of a person i can be when i want to.
i was goin thru the stuff i gave him for his birthday, anniversaries etc.
and i couldnt help but say that i dont think i will ever be able to do things like that again.
i guess the whole thing with ian reminded me once again
that effort into things like r/ships are really not worth it.
and so once again i have reverted to the character i used to play
the one who couldnt care less
becoz not caring meant not gettin hurt.
right now the choices are pretty much left right back and front.
ones i know well, or almost complete strangers.
and yes i know it is up to me to choose.
alternatively,
i could dig a hole and hide there
thereby effectively eliminating the need to make any choices.
after all,
who said bein single was a bad thing?
jane+joyce+sam
thanks for listenin to and chattin with me.
thank you for bein so encouraging
even when everthing i say is cynical and skeptical.
but right now i dont know if i want to do this all over again.
becoz i am ok with where i am now.
not greatly happy, but im ok.
perhaps i will go ahead and give it a shot.
or maybe i will just keep livin for the moment
and worryin abt the 'morning after',
the mornin AFTER.
(note i am not talkin abt sex here ok)
ive been given another chance
to retrieve something i once lost.
but how do i know that that is still what i want now?
Later ; 1:14 AM ;
quick update on holiday happenings.
might be interesting for some pple to find out some things.
since they like to spy coz they are so damn insecure.
never mind. just read.
Weds-
clubbin with cousin.
(TODAY I SAW THE AHBENG THAT I SORTA LIKED AT MOMO ON WEDS!!! crossin road from cine to taka.)
Thurs-
met jane at ps to help her with pickin her units for uni.
i think we manage to make quite a racket
and attract a decent amount of attention to ourselves.
poking and grabbing each others' boobies
and screamin at each other over wanting and not wanting to delete the self-taken fotos we'd snapped with her digi cam.
at abt 7 we went to meet jeff.
omg men in formal work attire. *drools incessantly*
dinner at pastamania.
jane kenneth jeff me.
after aimless drivin around and a failed attempt to go to mt faber
(they were havin some martell party and there was no parking)
we finally ended up at party world, shenton way.
the nite before johnson was just tellin me abt the haunting stories of the place.
bah.
everyone was pretty much fallin asleep by like 4am
and the 2 poor things had a flight to catch at 9am
and they hadnt packed.
ended up goin to jeff's place coz it seemed pretty darn ridiculous for him to drop me home via cab,
and then go all the way back to his place.
so kenneth dropped us off at jeff's.
eh babe. i think one day kenneth will like say.
DARLING, next time we go out can you dont ask raE to come!!!
wahaha..
Fri-
came back to mine to bathe/sleep etc.
had brekky with jeff first opp. at some prata place.
went to meet joyce at orchard.
jeff went home.
joyce i luv u lah.
seriously u make me laff coz of the things u do,
and coz of the things u do, i feel like u really care abt me!!
one day we will rid the world of BUGGING BUGGERS OK!!
and call all the cheating boyfs assholes.
seriously, IAN THWAITES WHY ARE U STILL CALLIN ME!!!
DOES YOUR PEARLY KNOW THAT U ARE CALLIN ME?
not once but 4 times?
joyce n i went to party world first.
sam came like 30mins later.
i think i am all karaoke-ed out.
my throat is going.
singing in the hall is fun =)
i enjoy the attention.
sam, thanks for like ignoring him when u see him.
and for tellin lynn too!!
i dunno why but that just makes me feel lurveeeed!
want to do a koyo plot onot. wahaha..
dinner at pizza hut with joyce n gaston
met up with ray, alex, wei wei, gary and his girlf.
and nw im home.
i think its supper with linkies after this.
when he is done with his soccer match
and decides to come pick me up.
or maybe i'll meet up with jeff.
when he is done with his superman
which is a freakin 3 hr long movie.
wahaha.
2 smses.
nigel - WIN MONEY!!
links- knn match go extra time. lose money.
lol guys.
Later ; 12:44 AM ;